One of the things I’m working on this year is making my marriage the best it’s ever been.
These things have helped me recently:
1) Working out with Pep (my wife's nickname is Peppi).
Why has this helped us draw closer to each other?
Another thing to do together. Another thing to talk about. Another thing to share in common. It helps us to not have a life apart from the other.
But a life we share.
The more good things you have to share, the more good things you have to laugh about, and the more good things you have in common, the better your marriage will be.
Find those things!
You need things that you can talk about, and that they understand (this is why work is not always the best thing). So you must find as much as possible you can share about.
Walks? Tennis? Travel? Shopping? Hunting?
Do as much as you can TOGETHER.
Do as little as you can APART.
The best marriages are always the ones that are rooted in the husband and wife being best friends.
God created marriage to be something where two flesh become one.
Don’t allow your marriage to be where two people are living two separate lives.
Find common things and do them with each other.
A few months ago I asked my wife how I could love her more.
I sensed a desire in me to draw closer together.
She was slow to answer.
You know the usual. Everything is fine. Everything is good.
Then as I didn’t let that be good enough, she answered with honesty.
She told me…
That I could compliment her more. That she felt in this season words of affirmation were becoming her love language; and while I have become adapted to speaking her old love language (quality time) she was noticing she wanted more affirmation.
She wanted me to see and say who she was.
This honesty paved the way to more intimacy.
It showed me how I could love her better and draw closer to her. We need to be honest with our spouses. Telling them what we need and what we desire.
We need to listen without defending.
Listen with a learner's heart.
I and my wife have been married for 17 years, but people change and improve over time.
We need to regularly update our ways of interacting with the people that we love.
I had a buddy of mine recently asked me this question:
“If I read the text messages between you and your wife, would I be able to tell that you were madly in love with her?”.
While of course, I wanted to answer: YES! Now I want to make sure I can always answer yes. That my wife KNOWS that I see her strengths, beauty, grace, value, and work. That if I err, I err on the side of too much praise.
I’ve been praying more for my wife. A lot more. It’s helped me see her in a new light. Helped me see her the way The Father sees her.
I’ve said for years, that you get a heart for who you pray with, who you pray for, and who you pray to.
The more I pray for my wife the more I see my heart for her expand and grow in ways that honestly I didn’t know were possible. I’m more in love than I’ve ever been. This also helps fuel point number 2; the more I pray for her, the more I see her, and the more I see to praise.
Not only that: Prayer prevents problems.
We aren’t called to be The Holy Spirit in our spouse's lives.
We are called to pray for our spouses so that the Holy Spirit can do HIS JOB.
Remember the Spirit moves when we SPEAK. Just like in Genesis. Let God move on your spouse by praying for them! Let him fix it. Let us LOVE.