Why You Are Not Married

By Raffette Alston

I love Sunday services. It’s my favorite time of the week. I enjoy meeting new people and connecting with my friends and church family. I enjoy the creative details in the foyer that happen throughout the year. There is no place I would rather be, but if I am honest, there used to be one particular Sunday that I would rather stay home. That Sunday is what I have affectionately named Singles’ Sunday. It’s the Sunday after Valentine’s Day. After all the chocolates had been eaten flowers and heart-shaped balloons had gone, the Sunday book giveaway came for all the singles. It was a day I did not particularly enjoy because while I enjoyed being single, I was regularly inundated with questions and comments that made me question the joy I thrived in. I wasn’t waiting on Boaz like the rest of the single ladies, so the “encouragement” from the other ladies was puzzling me. Was I missing something? Am I supposed to be woefully waiting? I never felt like my life was missing anything, yet those comments of encouragement that my Boaz was coming began to sound like the telephone voice from Charlie Brown. Unlike previous years, I was excited to get to church this Sunday. I did not know if then, but the Lord had a message for my eager little heart. I remember three things about this message that still resonate with me today. First, if you desire to marry and are not yet, there are three primary reasons why you are not married:

1. You idolize marriage. If you are idolizing anything, that is a false idol. We are made to worship Him. That is so simple yet so profound. If you want marriage more than you want our Father who art in heaven, consider reevaluating your priorities. If you make finding a spouse and marriage your idol, you have lost focus on the one true God. We must put God first in all things. When He is first, we can see clearly and align our desires with what He has in store for us; however, we will only see what He has for us if we first seek Him.

2. You need to be more mature for marriage. Consider this practical example: we only allow children to drive or have a pet once they reach a certain age of maturity. Simply put, we cannot handle the responsibility if we are not mature enough. We are his creation. He knows what is best for us, and his timing is impeccable. 

3. God has an assignment for you in your single season, which you have not completed yet. This is one of the most exciting and challenging things I have ever discovered. What is it? What does He want me to do? How do I find out? How long will it take? And I have yet to find those answers for you. Sorry, not sorry. Those answers come from Him through spending time in His Word, praying, waiting for His guidance, listening closely to Him, and doing what He says. 

I remember the revelation I felt from this message from Pastor Joel. I remember exactly where I was sitting and what I was wearing. I thought I had idolized marriage, and perhaps I wasn’t mature enough for marriage. I was unsure about those things, but I was confident God had an assignment for me in my single season. I felt seen and heard by God. I experienced a joy that I had not felt in a long time. I was actually beyond excited about the unknown. I carry that same joy with me every day, and I will spend all the days of my life. God showed me that there was a cookie-cutter pattern in my life. What He has for me is for me, and I did not have to wait on Boaz to get it.

I learned that there was nothing wrong with being happy and single. God has a well-designed life perfectly prepared for me, and I am walking in it. Do I know all the things He has called me to do? Nope, but I am following His lead. Not woeful in my waiting, but winning in my walk. Every day is a joy. Every day is another chance to partner with Him on this side of heaven. He wants to do the same for you. I am loved, loved! One day I will be married, but for now, I am having the time of my life with the Lord. 

God has not forgotten if you are single and want to marry. He sees you, and he knows you. His plan for you will never be riddled with chaos and confusion. God wants a relationship with you like you have never had before. Every void you feel you think someone or something can fill will never and cannot ever do what God can do for you. He is the ultimate gentleman. All you have to do is allow Him into your heart, and He will change your life. You are worthy of God’s best. You’re not desperate. You’re not in despair. You must follow His guidance and trust His timing. We cannot ask Him to take the wheel and give him directions. This is your sign to take the trip, write the book, buy the house, start the business, and do the thing God has called you to do now. God makes no mistakes, and when you look at all that he has blessed you with, you will realize that he is preparing you for your next chapter. Don’t be woeful in your waiting but win in your walk.

March 1, 2023